


Monopoly Means War

by alanna_the_lionheart



Series: It's All Fun and Games (Until You Play with Oliver and Felicity) [1]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Awkwardness, Board Games, Competition, Crack, Drama, Drinking, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Games, Humor, Monopoly (Board Game), Sexual Tension, Team, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Unresolved Sexual Tension, olicity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 07:02:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14587590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alanna_the_lionheart/pseuds/alanna_the_lionheart
Summary: It was supposed to be a quiet, relaxing Fall evening. No patrols, no fighting bad guys: just a calm night in playing board games. But Felicity’s competitive streak turns out to be just as intense as Oliver’s, and it’s not long before Thea, Diggle, and Laurel realize Monopoly was a HUGE mistake. A humorous fluff fest from Thea’s pov, filled with competition and banter, eye-rolling and alcohol, and enough sexual tension to light up a small city. Takes place in season 4, somewhere between 4x06 and 4x07.





	Monopoly Means War

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this last summer and just never got around to editing and posting it for some reason. I was prompted by the following "which half of your otp" tweet by @cammienray :
> 
> “which half of your otp takes board games more seriously than life and health”
> 
> My response was “I feel like they both would, tbh. No one ever wants to play with Oliver and Felicity because they’re both too intense. They try and outplay each other and get super competitive when everyone else just wants to have fun. They’re always the last ones playing.”
> 
> I don't tend to write humor fic, so this is kind of out of my wheelhouse, but I think I did it justice.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Monopoly Means War**

 

It was supposed to be a quiet, relaxing Fall evening. No patrols, no fighting bad guys. Just a calm night in playing board games.

 

Thea sinks lower in her chair, finishing off her third beer and sighing heavily as her brother accuses Felicity of cheating.

 

(“Read the rules, Mr. Queen!” Felicity shouts back. “That’s a legal move and you know it!”)

 

Yeah, she  _really_ should have known better.

 

* * *

 

It had been Thea’s idea in the first place. After a long, tiring week of chasing Damien Darhk’s Ghosts, everyone on Team Arrow had wanted to just relax and play a few board games. After Felicity had offered up the loft for the evening’s activities, Oliver had agreed to provide the snacks, Diggle and Laurel the alcohol, and Thea the games. After raiding the storage locker that held a variety of items she and her brother had taken from the Queen Mansion before they moved out, Thea had ended up with five good options.

 

Less than a minute into the game that everyone had agreed on, Thea already knew that she’d made a grave mistake.

 

She _really_ should have left Monopoly behind.

 

“You have to  _roll_ to see who goes first, Oliver. Everyone knows that,” Felicity tells him, arms crossed over her chest. She sits across from him at the dining room table, and Thea hears a soft  _thump_ followed by the sound of her brother cursing in pain.

 

“Oldest goes first. That’s how we always played it,” Oliver argues.

 

“You just made up that rule so you could always go first,” Laurel responds, crossing her arms over her chest in a show of solidarity with Felicity.

 

“Sounds about right,” Thea scoffs, folding her arms as well.

 

“Oh, come on! Would I really do something like that?” Oliver asks. He looks around the table for someone to back him up, and his eyes land on Diggle: the only person who doesn’t look annoyed with him.

 

“Don’t look at me, man,” Digg says, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “I think the ladies have this one.”

 

“I...but….”

 

“It says it right here,” Felicity points out, pulling the official Rulebook out of the box at the end of the table. “ ‘Roll to see who goes first.’ We don’t play by House Rules here, Oliver. We play by the Real Rules.”

 

“ _Says who?”_ Oliver whispers, just loud enough that Thea can hear him, and she cringes as Felicity shifts in her seat, clearly having heard him, too.

 

“What was that?” Felicity asks, leaning forward in her seat to glare daggers at him.

 

“Nothing, honey,” Oliver says quickly. He picks up the dice and hands them to her placatingly. “Roll to see who goes first.”

 

Thea polishes off the rest of her beer and moves to grab a second one from the fridge. As she pops the cap off the bottle, she hears Felicity tell her brother that by his “so-called ‘Rules’” John would’ve been the one to go first anyway.

 

Thea takes two long swigs of her beer and sighs deeply.

 

Something tells her it’s going to be a long night.

 

* * *

 

It’s the first time all five of them have sat around playing board games since Oliver and Felicity made their relationship official.

 

Thea’s always known that her brother is super competitive when it comes to playing board games; she’d grown up with him, after all. She had played games with Oliver, Tommy, Laurel, and Sara many times when she was younger, and she’d always been pretty competitive herself, if only to keep up with her brother.

 

But Felicity’s competitive streak? Now  _that_ is something to behold.

 

“Ohhh, bad luck, honey,” Felicity soothes, reaching across the table and patting Oliver on the shoulder in a mock gesture of comfort. “Third time in jail. You’d think someone who fought crime every night would be better at not getting handcuffed.”

 

Oliver scowls, shrugging off Felicity’s hand.

 

“ _I’ll show you getting handcuffed,”_ Oliver growls quietly under his breath.

 

Thea chokes on her beer, coughing harshly as the liquid burns her throat. No one else seems to have heard Oliver, and as Diggle reaches over and pats Thea’s back a few times to help relieve her, Felicity asks, “What was that, Master of Getting Caught?”

 

“I said ‘your turn, honey,’” Oliver remarks, handing her the dice with forced politeness.

 

“I need some water,” Thea gasps, and she moves into the kitchen, wishing she’d chosen a different seat at the table.

 

* * *

 

With Felicity there, Oliver’s competitive streak reaches a level that Thea’s never seen before. The two of them are super intense, constantly trying to one-up each other. When Felicity completes her first monopoly on all four railroads, she actually stands up from the table and does a little dance. She spins around in place, fanning herself with the four railroad cards like they’re made of literal money, and Oliver scoffs as he slaps a hand on the table.

 

“How do you always do that?” Oliver asks, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“I told you last summer, Oliver. I’m very good at winning.”

 

Oliver rolls his eyes, and Felicity plunks herself back down in her chair, smiling giddily as she cracks her knuckles. “I wonder what I’m going to own next?” she asks, surveying the board like it’s her kingdom as she sits back in her chair and takes a long sip of her wine.

 

Somehow, Oliver sinks even lower in his own chair, pouting like a child, and Felicity laughs.

 

“Oh, cheer up, Oliver. You already own Baltic Avenue. Maybe you’ll get Mediterranean Avenue next.”

 

It’s the most worthless monopoly on the board, and everyone knows it. Oliver growls, picking up the dice from the board and holding them out to Laurel, who looks like she’d rather be anywhere but at the table right now. “Your turn,” Oliver says. “Get something good so we can rub it in her face.”

 

Laurel takes the dice from him and rolls, but not before downing the last of her beer & shooting Thea a look that screams, _What did we do to deserve this?_

 

* * *

 

An hour into the game, Thea’s already polished off her third beer. She’s more than a little tipsy, but she needs to be in order to deal with... _this._

 

“Face it, Oliver. I’m better at this game than you are.”

 

“Luckier, maybe,” Oliver scoffs, handing her the money he owes her for landing on one of her railroads and crossing his arms over his chest for the umpteenth time. “But  _better?_ I don’t think so.”

 

“You’re just a sore loser, Oliver. You always have been.”

 

“She’s not wrong, Ollie,” Thea supplies, reaching over him to grab the bowl of chips he’s been hoarding for the past twenty minutes. She knows she probably shouldn’t goad her brother, but she can’t help herself.

 

“Stay out of this, Speedy,” Oliver warns her. He tries to take back the bowl of chips, but Diggle reaches over from his seat at the head of the table and grabs it first. He places it down between himself and Thea, and Thea smirks at Oliver as she and Digg help themselves.

 

“Thank you, Thea,” Felicity says, taking a sip of her drink. “It’s nice to know one of the Queens has a head on their shoulders.”

 

“This coming from the girl who picked the _dog,_ ” Oliver mutters, gesturing at Felicity’s token sitting on one of the Community Chest spaces.

 

“The dog is the best piece, Oliver. Everyone knows that,” Felicity retorts, folding her arms over his chest in a mirror of Oliver’s posture.

 

“Better than the  _car,_ Felicity? Really? You’re crazy.”

 

“Oh my god, you’re both crazy,” Laurel mutters, just loudly enough that everyone can hear her, but Oliver and Felicity are too busy staring each other down to notice.

 

* * *

 

When Felicity buys the Boardwalk, tensions rise to all new levels.

 

“Gimme my money!” she demands when Oliver lands on it a mere two turns after she's completed her monopoly there, holding out her hand for payment.

 

“All right, all right, here!” he mutters grouchily, passing her some bills he's crumpled up unnecessarily.

 

“Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Queen,” Felicity says with a smirk as she unfurls the messy paper and adds it to her ever-growing stack of money.

 

The look in Oliver's eyes says he either wants to murder her or...well, Thea doesn't really want to think about the “or.”

 

But when Felicity plops her first hotel down on the Boardwalk space - much harder than necessary - Thea can't help herself.

 

“Boom! Kneel before me!” Felicity shouts, pumping her fists in the air in triumph.

 

“I bet Oliver would _l_ _ove to,_ ” Thea teases, tossing back the last of her fourth bottle of beer.

 

Felicity turns a light shade of pink and busies herself with straightening the money in the bank pile. Meanwhile, Laurel throws her head back and groans, Oliver scowls at her, and Diggle actually gets up from the table and walks away.

 

“Sorry, sorry,” Thea mutters, reaching for the bowl of chips and cramming a fistful in her mouth before she feels tempted to say anything else.

 

* * *

 

Half an hour later, when Felicity buys the last property that Oliver needs to complete a monopoly just so he can’t have it, Thea prepares herself for the worst.

 

“Oh, you’ll pay for that one, Felicity,” Oliver threatens, sitting up straighter in his chair to glare daggers at her.

 

“Bring it on, old man!” she retorts.

 

_“Old man?”_

 

“Oh my god, will you two get a room already?” Thea groans, rubbing at her eyes, behind which she can feel the beginnings of a headache.

 

Oliver turns his gaze to her instead, eyes narrowed and lips thin, and Thea would swear he’s channeling the Green Arrow right now. She wraps her arms around her chest and shrugs.

 

“We were all thinking it,” she mutters under her breath as she slumps lower in her chair, turning away from her brother to glance across the table at Laurel, who looks like she wants to sink through the floor.

 

 _Kill me_ , Laurel mouths at her, and Thea mouths back,  _Me first._

 

Two rounds later, when Oliver lands on the last red property, Felicity hisses, “Oliver, I swear to god if you buy that….”

 

Oliver’s smug grin as he passes Felicity the money for Illinois Avenue so she can put it in the bank reminds Thea so much of the look 15-year-old Ollie would shoot her when they played Go Fish.

 

Felicity puts the money in the bank pile and holds out the property card. When Oliver tries to take it, Felicity holds on tight, and Laurel groans as the two of them play a silent tug of war over the piece of paper.

 

“I need another drink,” Laurel mumbles, getting up and moving toward the kitchen.

 

When Oliver finally pulls the card from Felicity, ripping it nearly in half, Diggle sighs loudly and heads after Laurel.

 

“I need something stronger,” he grunts, pouring himself some of the good whiskey.

 

“Who’s the sore loser now?” Oliver asks, carefully flattening the card out and placing it with his others.

 

“Pour me one too?” Thea shouts at Diggle from her seat, but John’s already returned with a second glass for her.

 

* * *

 

After completing his first monopoly on the green spaces, Oliver spends nearly all of his money on putting up hotels.

 

“Bold move, Mr. Queen. Are you sure that’s wise?” Felicity asks, passing him the three red hotel pieces.

 

“My family didn’t become rich by not taking chances,” Oliver says, putting the first hotel down on Pennsylvania Avenue.

 

Felicity shrugs, willing to let him have this one. Of course, everyone at the table knows exactly what Oliver did for the Queen family fortune in the end, but pointing it out would just be mean.

 

Three rounds later, Felicity lands on Pennsylvania Avenue, and Oliver throws his hands in the air and shouts.

 

“Yes! What’d I tell you?” he gloats, lowering his arms so he can hold a hand out to Felicity. “That’ll be $1400, Ms. Smoak. Big bills only please.”

 

Felicity just glares at him.

 

“Awww, what’s the matter, hon? You can dish it but you can’t take it?”

 

Felicity shakes her head and reaches for her stack of money, counting out his payment. When she’s done, she slaps the money down into his hand so hard the noise echoes throughout the loft.

 

“It’s on, Mr. Queen.”

 

 _“Oh my god,”_ Laurel and Diggle mutter at the same time, and Thea just hides a laugh behind her hands because she’s well and thoroughly drunk by this point.

 

* * *

 

 

About three hours into the game of torture, Oliver lands on one of Felicity’s railroads for what must be the dozenth time, and once he’s handed over the money, Felicity actually stands up from her chair and taunts him with a dance. Oliver slouches in his chair and gives his girlfriend “that look” again...only this time it borders too close to the “or” side of things for Thea’s liking.

 

Digg downs the last of his tumbler of whiskey. When he’s done, he sits back in his chair and stares off into space as though he’s questioning every single life choice that has led him to this moment.

 

“This game was supposed to be fun and relaxing,” he deadpans, and Thea would laugh if she didn’t completely agree with him.

 

“Monopoly’s not ‘fun,’ John,” Felicity tells him, straightening out her massive pile of fake money. “Monopoly is war.”

 

“I hate Monopoly,” Laurel states, staring at the bottom of her empty glass with a sigh.

 

* * *

 

As the night wears on, Oliver and Felicity become nearly unbearable.

 

Miraculously, their over-competitiveness never extends to Thea, Diggle, or Laurel. Oliver and Felicity both manage to keep the banter and the gloating and the cattiness between the two of them. In fact, Oliver and Felicity are downright  _pleasant_ with the other three. It seems both of them are more than willing to lose provided it means the other one doesn’t win.

 

When Felicity gets the chance to buy the other property that Thea needs for a monopoly, she decides not to buy it, even though she’s already bought two properties that Oliver wanted.

 

When Oliver loses $1000 to Diggle, he hands the money over without complaint.

 

Truth be told, Thea, Diggle, and Laurel don’t exactly put 100% into the game. Watching Oliver and Felicity bicker and snipe like an old married couple is far too distracting, and the copious quantities of alcohol the three of them end up imbibing in order to deal with it eventually take a toll on their ability to play.

 

Somehow, the three of them last a good four hours before Laurel loses on purpose. She’s discreet about it, and Thea’s not sure anyone besides her even notices. But then Laurel’s always been good at quietly getting out of games, as she’s had a lot of practice from playing with Tommy, Oliver, and Sara when they were kids.

 

When she’s done, she retires to the living room couch with a bag of cookies to watch some TV.

 

Thea stares at her longingly. She wishes she could join her, but she’s still a Queen, and Queen women don’t lose easily, even if they don’t really want to play. She plays right, trying her hardest to win, but she knows it’s a lost cause.

 

Twenty minutes after Laurel bows out, Thea loses the last of her money to John, who takes it from her like it’s something disgusting he’d rather not have. She smiles at him sympathetically, and the look in Diggle’s eyes screams, _Help me._ Thea sighs, patting him on the shoulder as she moves to join Laurel, who’s fallen asleep.

 

Ten minutes later, Thea falls asleep next to her.

 

* * *

 

In the end, Diggle resorts to cheating.

 

Normally, John Diggle would never cheat, but if he’s cheating to lose it’s different, right?

 

At least, that’s what he tells himself when he hands over the rest of his money to Felicity for landing on Shortline Railroad.

 

“That’s seven spaces, John. You rolled an eight,” Oliver informs him.

 

“Yup, and I moved eight spaces,” Digg responds, standing up from the table and stretching out his arms. He feels good to drive home, having paced himself just right. The two girls passed out on the couch are gonna need a lift home, though.

 

“But you were _here_ ," Oliver insists, pointing at the Waterworks space. “So you should’ve moved one, two, three-”

 

“You must be getting tired, old man. You’ve forgotten how to count,” Felicity teases, adding John’s money to her pile even though she knows better than Oliver does that Diggle’s clearly just giving up.

 

“That’s...but….” Oliver sputters, and he starts counting the spaces again. Felicity laughs, and John shakes his head wearily as he turns his back on the godforsaken board game.

 

“I’m getting too old for this,” he mumbles under his breath. Then he gently shakes Laurel and Thea awake, offering them a ride home, and the three of them slowly bundle into their coats as Oliver and Felicity continue to bicker.

 

“But that’s not _fair!”_ Oliver protests.

 

Felicity laughs lightly, and as John ushers the girls out of the loft ahead of him he catches Felicity kiss Oliver on the cheek. “Life’s not fair, honey. Keep playing.”

 

_...the end..._

_..._

_...or is it?..._

_..._

_...stay tuned for a sequel…_

_..._

_...with smut…_

**Author's Note:**

> I will definitely be sharing a smutty sequel to this, but since both stories can be standalones, I'll be posting it as a separate story in the series. If you want a notification when the sequel is posted, subscribe to the whole series rather than the story.


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